Reddit is telling this mother to get help because she used her daughter as a weapon in a stupid family fight.
First birthdays are undoubtedly big milestones, but let’s be honest — a baby’s first birthday party is much more for the parents than for the child, as the tiny tot will have exactly zero recollection of an event happening so early in their life. This Reddit mom is ignoring that fact in a crazy attempt to make her family choose between her daughter (but really herself) and her stepsister, whose wedding is on the same day as the child’s party.
The woman wrote on Reddit’s “Am I The A-hole” forum that her mom remarried a man with a daughter after her parents’ divorce. She wrote, “I mostly lived with my dad because I didn’t want anything to do with my new sister. I hardly knew her, and I hated that my mom treated her like a daughter.” I wasn’t very nice to her, but I felt like she was taking my place.”
The woman says that her stepsister’s mother died when she was born, so her mom is the only mother figure the stepsister has ever known. This is a very important fact to remember. You can probably already deduce that the woman is committed to the role of the evil stepsister and is therefore indeed the a—hole, but let’s get into the nitty-gritty of her grievances.
The woman goes on, “Now, she’s getting married, and I wasn’t invited because we don’t know each other. I didn’t invite her to my wedding either, though. This issue is I planned my daughter’s first birthday and when I told my mom she said it can’t be that day because it’s my stepsister’s wedding and can we change it to the next weekend so people don’t have to choose which to go to.”
For someone who doesn’t hold extreme resentment against their stepsibling, this would probably be a reasonable request. Again, a child won’t remember their first birthday party, so why not do what’s reasonable and kind to avoid a fight at a wedding or other important event?
The woman goes on to share, “I said no, my stepsister’s wedding is at 8pm my daughter’s party is at 1pm people can do both but almost everyone on my mom’s side RSVPed no to her birthday party because of the wedding and travel. Even my own mother said she can’t make it because she will be at stepsister’s wedding and getting ready all day.”
She continues her tirade by writing, “I’m mad. How can she choose a stepdaughter over her own grandchild? Everyone would rather hang out with this girl who isn’t even related to us than with my daughter. My mom says to just change the party but I think it’s ridiculous they can’t do both and I won’t change my schedule for my stepsister. And my daughter will be the one to suffer when none of her family shows up to her first birthday party.”
Redditors put the woman in her place with severe swiftness, with one user writing, “1st birthday parties are solely for the parents. The kids have absolutely no idea what’s going on. They have no concept of what a birthday is. Your daughter won’t be upset that her family isn’t there, because she won’t know what’s going on and won’t remember her first birthday party. She has no sense of time, so if it’s important for your family to be there, you should move it to a different day as she asked.”
“Your daughter will suffer as she gets older because you are petty and have unresolved problems that should be dealt with in counseling,” they said. Your daughter will be hurt if you keep trying to use her guilt as a weapon in your fight with your step-sister. “Grow the hell up!”
Another user agreed, writing, “It almost seems like you’ve tried to weaponize a child and their birthday party just because of some weird power struggle due to sibling rivalry. (A competition in which you seem to be the only one taking part.) If this is your daughter’s first birthday and you said she would be the one to suffer, what would it hurt to move the party?”
“Your child’s birthday isn’t about you, trying to get your mother’s attention, or whatever weird grudge you have against your stepsister,” they said. Everything should be about your kid. If you want her to have her family there, then having the party the same day as your sister’s wedding is not the hill I think you should be trying to die on.”
Then the user gave the OP a much-needed reality check by writing, “SB: ‘I’m angry. How can she choose her stepdaughter over her own grandchild? Everyone is more interested in this girl who isn’t even related to us than in my daughter.’ Apparently the rest of your family would beg to differ with that last sentence.”
We can’t help but agree that the OP should seek guidance in resolving her uncalled-for resentment toward her stepsister, as well as her mom for admirably stepping up to be a mother to a girl who lost her own. If she isn’t careful, her daughter may grow up to confide in her stepsister and stepmother because her own mother is so focused on holding on to a stupid, one-sided grudge.